turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
