The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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