As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
