Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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