My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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