someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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