There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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