i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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