had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
