You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want is dick and wine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
