I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
