Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
