TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
