Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
