first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
