I feel like abortions should bother me more
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
