I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
