When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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