i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
