Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
