Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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