Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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