Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
