Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
