When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
