my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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