so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
