He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
