After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
