Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
