it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
