When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
