we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
