It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
