that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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