do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
