i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
