That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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