I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
