Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
