it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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