I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
