Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
