Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
