You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
