id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
