so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
