Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
