Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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