just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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