Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
