She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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