so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
