apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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