Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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