Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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