Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize