you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
