please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
