**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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