Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
