I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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