I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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