somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
