when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
