I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
