i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
