do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize