Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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